Month: June 2016

I don’t think that there is anyone on earth who has quite mastered using law of attraction to attract money in their lives as skillfully as a rapper has.  Think about it.  All they do is brag about how much money they’re getting, spending on cars, jewelry, vacations, and, you know, strippers and stuff.  I mean, I’m not too interested in the stripper activity but I’m down for all the rest.

The law of attraction books,  websites, and even the movie ‘The Secret’, have all kinds of  ‘games’ they suggest using to attract more money in your life.  But, those ways are boring.  What I need to do, is pretend like my life is a rap video. Come to think of it, this would probably also work if your life goals are popping bottles all night long, showing off the rims on your  car that costs more than a normal person’s house, and having hoes in different area codes. But, I digress.

To attract my $10,000 I need to think like a rapper.  I need to become one with rap music.  This makes total sense.

First things first, I should probably trade in my sweatpants for a sexy swimsuit or bikini and high heels. Because, if you’re a girl getting money in rap video, that’s what you wear and stuff, right? Because of all the yachts.

Second, I need some bling. Due to my current budget allowance for ‘ice’ of being $0.00,
I will have to settle for some dollar store replicas.  Fake it til you make it, right??

And last, I should trade in my wine for champagne because, obviously.  I’m a Cristal girl on a Cook’s budget so I guess I’ll just have to pretend…..

Alright. I’m all set. Bitch, better have my money!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has come to my immediate attention that I need more money in my life.  Like, a lot more money. I mean, I practically risk my life shopping in the ghetto that is Food 4 Less because ramen is  five cents cheaper there. And I have to bag it myself! This is just doin’ way too much.

I want to stop living paycheck to paycheck. I want to travel. I want shoes that I didn’t buy at Forever 21 on a buy-one-get-one-for-ten-dollars sale.  I want to not have to dig stray, lost dimes out of the couch to pay rent!

 

OK, so Law of Attraction says that there are 3 main steps you have to take in order to attract anything into your life. They are:

1. Ask.
   You are supposed to be as specific as possible when you make a request to the universe, otherwise you put out mixed signals and thus it either takes longer for what you ask to come to you, or it won’t come at all because you aren’t sending out a strong enough vibration. The universe doesn’t have time to mess around, y’all.  Oh, and actually instead of asking (which is weird because that’s the name of the whole step), you’re actually supposed to state your request in the form of a thank-you, as if whatever you are ‘asking’ for has already happened.

Ok, so here’s my request, universe: “THANK YOU FOR MORE FUCKING MONEY. LOTS OF  FUCKING MONEY.THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT RAIN $100s ALL OVER MY BANK ACCOUNT. SPECIFICALLY,  100 OF THEM ( THAT’S $10,000 JUST IN CASE THE UNIVERSE DOESN’T LIKE MATH). THANKS!!!

2. Believe.
This is the most difficult step. I wait tables at a restaurant where the average check
is $30 and then I go home and drink wine and binge watch the Kardashians until
I no longer have the urge to murder the stupid people I deal with daily in the
face. So you can see how believing this extra $10,000 will somehow come to me
might seem a little delusional.  Technically, you can ask the universe for any
amount of money you want. It’s not any easier to attract ten thousand dollars than
it is to attract ten million dollars….BUT, you have to believe it’s possible. So, that’s
why I’ll start with $10,000….

During this step you’re supposed to ‘let go’ and not think about how this might happen. This is a huge problem for me because I’m not very good at letting things go. Also, I am super impatient. So not only can I not stop thinking about HOW the universe will deliver my $10,000, I also can’t stop thinking about WHY HASN’T IT HAPPENED YET?!?!?!?  I feel like I just need to drink wine until I can’t remember what the hell I asked for anyways and therefore bring the $10,000 to me. ASAP. Great plan. Done.  You’re welcome. I think. Wine.

 

 

3. Receive
In order to ‘receive’ what you are asking for, you have to be in vibration with what
it is you are attracting.  I know this sounds like a lot of ‘what?!‘  but think of it this
way: if you want to listen to heavy metal, you wouldn’t turn on the easy- listening
for -the -over -thirties radio station and expect to hear Metallica. You’d have  to change the channel.   If you want money, you have to feel like you have money. You have
to change the way you think, and feel , and talk about money.

I realize this requires a significant amount of work. More work than I’m willing to even put into bagging my ramen at Food 4 Less, so I get that it seems daunting. Although   I think that I  just might be willing to try, given that my life over the last couple of years has been pretty …challenging. And stupid. Really, really, stupid.

But wait……  the wine has given me  an epiphany  into how I might attract my money…stay tuned!!…….