Month: January 2018

So, okay. I promised myself that I would start being at least 51 percent happy as the first step in my quest to better my life via Law of Attraction. Since the two days I have attempted this whole’ being enthralled with life stuff ‘ have fallen on a weekend, it has been fairly easy to remain upbeat and hopeful about the future. However, tomorrow I have to venture out into the real world where day drinking and not wearing pants is frowned upon. Factor in going to work (at 5 am, ugh) and interacting with human beings, and this does not bode well for me remaining cheerful about life.

Somehow I need to find a solution for this problem that doesn’t involve wine. Hmmm, thinking about not drinking wine is already making me unhappy. Clearly I need to harness my chi or whatever and garner a whole lot more zen into my life.

I am aware that meditation is supposed to be a great way to be at peace with yourself, the world, and all the unforgivingly stupid people that live in it, but as with many things in this life, I am very bad at it.

At first glance, mediation seems like something I should excel at, because it requires zero physical effort, it involves being comfortable, and in a higher state of relaxation . Right? It sounds a lot like sleep and/or laziness, which I love. But then, there’s the whole focusing your mind part and that’s where shit goes awry for me. Like, right now as I’m writing this, I am also snap-chatting, drinking wine, eating popcorn, watching Football playoffs, and intermittently checking Twitter to check if there’s any update on a possible Kylie Jenner pregnancy. Spoiler: there’s not. Just confirm it already, Kylie. I need answers.

When I lived in San Diego, I had a friend who I would meditate with. We would go at midnight to the cliffs at Ocean Beach, and sit there under the moon with just a blanket and a candle. For the same reason I pay to go to the gym instead of running for free outside, I need something or someone to keep me focused. A meditating ‘ommie’ if you will (get it? like homie, but om?? Come on, it’s funny). And if you suggest a yoga class I will stab you in the face.

Unfortunately, my few Seattle friends aren’t so much into balancing their chakras and whatnot. My best friend Jenn would absolutely push me off a cliff before she would meditate with me on one.

This means that if I want to pursue this option of a higher spiritual attainment I’m gonna have to go it alone for now. *Sigh* Alright….. Candles? Check. Buddha statue? Check. Wine? Check. Burrito? Check. Meditation, I am here for you.

What? Burritos are zen as fuck. Let’s do this.

 

 

 

So, it’s a new year, and therefore time for all the obligatory resolutions that come with it.  For me, it’s just an annoying few weeks at the gym (which I go to, all year round, and have for years) while all the ‘Resolutionists’ take over all the machines, equipment, and classes until most of them invariably decide that the gym sucks and they’re not really about that workout life.  I’m not at all judging. As a matter of fact, working out at the gym is definitely the only productive thing I do with my life.  I seriously almost bought a book titled ‘How to Become a Better Person Without Improving Yourself”.   My only New Years Resolution is to drink more wine.  Trust me, Resolutionists, I get it.  Just quit giving me murderous rage because I can’t find a parking spot, okay??

 

I know that I’m no better when it comes to using Law of Attraction. I’m lazy. I get caught up in the negative things that happen in my life.  I get in my head and don’t know how to get out of it sometimes.  I  have to remind myself that LOA is always ‘working’ whether I decide to get my head out of my ass and use it to my advantage or not.

Honestly, 2017 was one of the worst and hardest years of my life and I seriously hope that if I stick to my one resolution and drink alllllll the wine, I can forget it ever happened. And,  after spending the last 6 almost-just-as-rough years proclaiming on January 1st that “this is going to be my year!” , I really need that to be true this time. I realize that means I need to make some life changes in an attempt to be more positive and productive so that LOA can work its magic on my tragic life.

That being said,  my indolent nature is already trying to calculate how to achieve this goal with the least amount of  actual change. After some Grinch-like evil drumming of my fingers  while contemplating this task, I remembered something I read awhile ago.

 

That something was about “Tipping Point”, and long story short, it means in order to tip the positive scales of life in your favor you only have to be more positive than you are negative. Mathematically ( and convenient for my inert  personality), this means that I only need to be 51% happy and not at all annoyed by life and the other 49% of the time I can embrace my general disdain for pretty much everything. Obviously this is going to still take some effort on my end,  because if I had to estimate my ‘disdain for general life’ it would be somewhere around 90 % .

Math is really not my forte, so if I drunkenly used the calculator correctly (shut uuuup), this means I need to improve my attitude about 41%.  Well, thank GOD for wine because the struggle is real without it.

So you hear that, Resolutionists? I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to be 41 % more positive, use LOA to start turning life around and see what this ‘New Year, New Me’ crap is all about. Now, get the fuck off my elliptical machines.