Month: May 2018

So I did the damn thing. Focused on what I wanted in life (to get the fuck out of Seattle), meditated, had Inspired Thoughts and took Inspired Action just like LOA says to do. I did it. And then it all went to shit, as life often does.

And by ‘went to shit’ I mean that I freaked out. For 5 days I was positive and happy and applied for jobs and was all like “yeah! this is gonna work out and be great!” Then seemingly nothing was happening so I panicked. I had packed up my whole life and driven the 18 hours to Las Vegas to stay with my friend Tom while I looked for jobs in San Diego with not much money, so yeah, I was a little distressed once I really had time to think about it.

I got in my head and constantly worried and stressed nonstop for a week about money, if I was going to hear about an interview, and kept imagining the worst. I was sure I’d be forced to go back to Seattle forever and ever where all my hopes and dreams would die a sad and painful death. Yes I am fully understanding how dramatic this all sounds but it was really what was going through my mind. Like, where the hell was my inner bad bitch during all this?? She was probably getting drunk and ignoring my crazy ass. I don’t blame her.

So this is where I was at in life. Unhappy, stressed and in a complete funk. Then last night I had a dream. An ‘I’m asleep’ dream, not a Martin Luther King situation. In the dream, everything I’ve been worried about happened and I woke up in a sheer panic and feeling emotional. I don’t even think I was fully awake when I realized that if I keep feeling the way I’ve been feeling that it WAS going to become a reality.

Law of Attraction is always giving you not just what you ask for, BUT also predominately what you are feeling. Well, fuck. I felt like I was in high school all over again, when you realize you are in danger of failing a class that you really need to pass in order to graduate on time. I’d say college, but I pretty much never passed any of those classes anyway because I was too busy having a social life. Clearly you could argue that this foreshadows where I am currently at in my life. But, I digress.

I decided to do what I did in high school when I was in danger of failing. Cram. That’s right, pulling out all the stops, hail mary-ing this bitch. Does the Universe give extra credit??

I’m talking re-watching ‘The Secret’, re-reading LOA books, keeping myself in a constant state of hopefulness and positivity. This HAS to work. I’m not going back to Seattle. Also did I mention drinking abundant amounts of alcohol? What? It makes me happy. Every bit counts.

Come on Universe, make my goals and dreams happen. I believe in you. Did I mention this HAS to happen? Soon? I did? Cheers!!

Here I am in Las Vegas, on a quest to find a job in San Diego before my friend Tom, whose couch I am temporarily residing on, gets too sick of me. I annoy him a lot and I’m never sure of when or if I might actually push him over the edge and he for real contemplates murdering me. And I actually go running often, so he has a more than plausible scenario to make it look like I just disappeared while on a run. I don’t know what it is about jogging that makes some people get all murder-y, but it seems to be something that legit happens a lot. Maybe I just watch too many murder shows, but either way….Universe? I need a job.

I am going to assume that because I was inspired to pick up and move my life abruptly that there is some amazing opportunity coming up for me. Usually, I worry too much about everything, but in a concerted effort to use Law Of Attraction in a more sedulous way, I’m trying to not freak out. Usually when I assume things, it’s not good things. Like, if a guy I am dating doesn’t respond to a text in .5 seconds then obviously he’s having sex with someone else. Clearly this is a reasonable response, but in keeping to true to LOA, it’s better to assume more positive outcomes. So, I’m tying.

In psychology, they teach us the theory of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy which is essentially that what you believe is the truth becomes the truth though your thoughts and behavior even if it’s not the truth to begin with. It’s entirely possible that Law Of Attraction just ripped off sociologist Robert Merton because I’m pretty sure this is the entire premise of LOA.

Anyways, psychology lesson aside, this whole expecting exciting stuff in my life really needs to happen. A job, more money, and not being murdered in the face… just off the top of my head.

To me, the connotation associated with the word ‘expect’ is that it’s kinda demanding. Since it’s not usually my M.O. to be a demanding person, I’m going to have to channel my inner bad bitch. And to be honest, since I’ve dealt with so many really difficult circumstances in the last couple years it’s the perfect time in my life to start fighting for what I want and demanding that some good shit happens. When I really want something to work out, my default attitude is to hope that it happens, but expect that it won’t. Obviously this is my way of not getting hurt or disappointed if something I want doesn’t work out. That needs to stop now.

Listen up, Universe.
I EXPECT you to stop dicking around and start throwing some good job interviews my way.
I EXPECT to procure a job offer from one of the aforementioned ‘good interviews’ that pays well and is fulfilling to me.
And furthermore, I EXPECT this to happen all within the next week.
Yeah. I mean it, Universe.

That whole rant would have been better if I had some fierce alter ego with a badass name like Beyoncé does. Unfortunately, my level of badass probably only qualifies me for something like Ashley. Ashley Fierce? Ok, I’ll stop.

I actually followed through with something in life and did the damn meditation thing. I’ve been generally unhappy living in Seattle for the last year. Between the incessant rain, grey skies, 40 degree ambient temperatures, and living in a house with the screaming crotch monsters, I cannot say that I’ve been living my best life. So I decided to focus on having my own space again, visualize it and meditate on it. I will admit that I did get a few naps in under the guise of meditation, but then something real actually happened.

One principal that they teach in LOA practices is to listen to ‘Inspired Thoughts’ and take ‘Inspired Action’. These new age-y phrases really just mean listen to your fucking intuition and then fucking do something about it.

I was working a job in catering for a company that has a couple locations in San Diego. I had been thinking that I would just try and transfer at some point and just save money in the meantime. But, no. Doing something the responsible and patient way are just not so much my style. It has been said in ‘The Secret’ that if you’re thinking “I should do this” …or “I guess I could do that” then you aren’t on the right path. You should ‘just know’ when you’re doing the right thing because it should feel exciting, and right. Hence, ‘Inspired Thought’.

High off my Inspired Thought Meditation Epiphany, I did what any sane and normal person would do. I quit my job, loaded up my car with everything I own, and drove to Las Vegas within a week. Oh, that’s not sane? Thanks for noticing. And yes I am cognizant of the fact that Las Vegas is not San Diego. However, my one of my best friends, Tom, lives here and is nice enough to let me crash for a couple weeks while I get my shit together and get a job in San Diego. This job thing needs to happen fairly quickly for 3 reasons:

1. I drive Tom crazy when I’m here too long
2. I’m not good with not spending what little money I saved
3. Seriously, Tom might actually murder me if I’m here too long

You might be wondering why staying at the job I had in Seattle, saving more money and eventually trying to transfer with a job seemed like not a good idea. Well, it probably was a good idea . However, it was a job wayyy below my experience level that I had taken just to supplement my income while temporarily living in Seattle, and there was no guarantee I could even transfer to San Diego with that job. I wasn’t happy, my purpose of being in Seattle was done, my life had become stagnant.

Quitting your job and moving 3000 miles away seems pretty extreme but it was what my intuit–I mean, Inspired Thought told me to do. I took Inspired Action and here I am. In Las Vegas. On Tom’s couch. Listening to “Whatever it Takes” by Imagine Dragons for inspiration as I’m literally doing nothing except applying for jobs on my laptop. But, Tom works long hours so I have peace and fucking quiet for the first time in a year and a half. Not hearing tantrum raged toddlers is beyond glorious.

And I swear to God, if someone reads this blog, quits their job, ending up homeless in financial ruin and tries to blame me….I’d just say you should really listen to that song. It will make you really feel like you’re doing something important even when you’re not. *Hums song cheerfully*