Today I went to a psychic because I felt like after my disastrous state of flow experiment, I needed a little spiritual guidance in my life. I’ve been to psychics before and some are better than others, but 99% of the time I leave a reading, I feel better than before. If you don’t believe in psychics I couldn’t care less. It works for me, and it’s cheaper than therapy. So seriously, don’t leave me any dumb comments about your opinions stating otherwise. La la la la I-can’t-hear-youuuuuuu la la la
Anyways, I was expecting to hear about how I shouldn’t go back to my idiot ex, or that I shouldn’t spend any more money online shopping. And by online shopping, I mean DoorDash. Instead, she told me that my Manipura chakra is pretty much fucked. For those of you who aren’t chakra savvy, this is your 3rd chakra and it controls your ability to manifest things into your life, as well as intuition and self-confidence. Which makes sense. Ever since 2 years ago when I was going through shit and began a slow decent into hell, I stopped trusting my intuition. I’ve always been extremely intuitive but over the last couple years, it just hasn’t been what it was. Also the whole lack attracting stuff I guess is a good indicator as well.
Even though this made sense, I was hesitant because I thought she was going to offer some sort of “chakra cleansing” services or candle magic spell or something equally as sketchy. I skeptically asked her how one would even go about healing a chakra….I mean…right? Her answer? YouTube. If you can learn to repair a car engine or get the step by step on how to deep fry a turkey, you could also learn how to fix your chakras. I guess.
This all sounded great…go on YouTube, figure out what I need to do, do it, then manifest the shit out of life. Thennnn…I discovered the answer to what I need to do, is yoga. And meditation. But….WHHHHHYYYYYYYY. Dear Universe, this is starting to sound like a personal vendetta.
The 3rd and final option is crystals. I believe in a lot of crazy things and ideas. I’m a pretty open person. I’m not sure that crystal healing is one of them. Like, what do you do with them? Do they just sit around you? Or do you rub them on your body? What exactly is crystal etiquette? Do they just intrinsically know how to do whatever it is they’re supposed to do? Or do I have to do something so they know what I want them to do? Also, how crazy am I willing to look? Spencer Pratt, that douchebag from the Hills, is selling something called ‘Pratt Daddy Crystals’, so do I really want to entertain this level of ridiculousness?
Turns out, the answer to the last question is a begrudging yes. Citrine, the crystal suggested for this such chakra is very affordable and my desire to not do yoga is greater than not wanting to appear crazy. So, let the crystal douchebaggery commence. If I don’t succumb to the shame and actually follow though with the buying of said crystal, I’ll let you know how this works out for me. Just pleeeeaaaaseeeee don’t make me have to do yoga, Universe.
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