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Yes I realize that I am in fact a lunatic, trying to manifest an all expenses paid 4 day vacation to San Antonio in less than two weeks. I’m not exactly known for making sane or rational requests and life decisions, so the Universe should be used to my crazy ass by now.

I decided to pretend that when I was making my travel requests I was talking to my personal assistant/ travel agent, Mila, who will carry out my every wish and demand because I’m very busy and important. This helps with the “how it will happen” hangup that I have so many issues with, and I get to channel my inner Kardashian. I bet their assistants have assistants. Quick reminder, Mila is my imaginary assistant until I am actually rich enough to have a real life one. Her name is derivative from the Spanish word milagros, which means ‘miracles’.

After I left things to Mila, I started researching things to do in San Antonio. Obviously, I’m visiting the Alamo and Riverwalk and The World’s Largest Cowboy Boots. But thennnn… I then stumbled across the thing I’m the most excited for: puffy tacos at some restaurant called Henry’s, the birthplace of the puffy taco revolution. I know, right?? I can’t wait.

The crazy thing is that after I put this trip out there to the Universe, I started seeing things about San Antonio everywhere. Now, I’m sure a lot of it has to do with whoever is spying on my internet searches so they can show me correlating ads on Facebook. However, San Antonio seems to also come up constantly on TV shows I’m watching, I hear people talking about it in passing, and last week my co-worker came to work wearing a golf shirt with ‘San Antonio’ emblazoned on a logo. Also my lyft driver this morning was named Antonio. What? It counts.

I feel that the Universe is constantly giving us signs and feedback so I must be on the right track. That, or all I’m attracting in my life is watching murder shows where the victim is from San Antonio. There seems to be a lot of murder there, by the way.

OK, so I’m most likely on the right track but I know I need to do more to bring this trip to fruition. I spent my whole day off watching youtube videos about Law of Attraction, hoping that something would jump out and resonate with me, or at least put me in a better mood after working 100 hours and both my days off last week.

Bob Proctor, who was one of the people featured on ‘The Secret’, didn’t let me down. I stumbled upon like 3 hours worth of his workshops. I don’t really know what you would call it, but saying it’s a ‘workshop’ makes it sound more legit than ‘youtube video’ so I’m going with that. Oh, I guess I could have also gone with ‘seminar’, it sounds pretty important as well.

Anyhow, during my LOA binge-watching session, something he said did catch my attention. He was reiterating how, when attracting things into your life, to only focus on the outcome, but he took it a step further. Not only should you focus on the end result of what you’re trying to attract, but also how it relates to your bigger life purpose. Having a purpose gives you a direction to go in. So like if you’re trying to attract, say, a car, you would focus on what it feels like to be driving said car and feel the feelings as if you had it. But also,focus on how having that car helps you towards your bigger life goal. If you need the car to be able to have your dream job then you should feel that you already have that as well.

This made me think about my own life goals. Obviously I want to be a writer, to travel, and connect to other people through Law of Attraction with this blog. Clearly, that means I have to attract things to blog about. So you guys, I’m attracting this vacation to San Antonio for YOU.

I’ll think of you all while I’m stuffing my face with puffy tacos. You’re welcome.

It’s time for a change. After my myztic spiritual discussion, I reflected on
what I’ve recently been trying to attract, annnnnnd….it’s all been based on survival. For a couple months there, I was just trying to survive, so thank dear sweet baby Jesus for what I was able to attract to me at that time. Survival has been my mindset for so long now, that I almost lost the notion of really enjoying life. While I am grateful to not be homeless or jobless in San Diego, I want more out of life. My chakras are aligned and ready for new adventures.

That being said, I want to go to San Antonio. Like, to visit. I never want to move again, ever. I’ve been to almost every major city in the US, but there are a handful still left for me to explore. Technically, I want to travel anywhere and everywhere I can, but for the sake of using Law of Attraction effectively, I’m going to start with this request.

I am cognitive that all requests are equally as easy for the universe to manifest, it’s all in how you, as a person, feel about how easy or difficult it is that determines how long it takes, blah blah blah. I’m not a reasonable creature and thus I do not accept this fact. So, I’m starting with attracting this San Antonio trip instead of a month-long, luxurious Europe tour. None of that backpacking shit for me.

As of the moment I am typing this, I cannot afford to take ANY kind of vacation without saving for severalllll months, but I want to go now. Well, due to some work commitments, I’ll settle for the end of April.

I know LOA needs specificity so here’s my take on what I envision this trip to entail. Take some notes, Universe:

I want to be there for at least 4 days, with a possibility of one extra day for a day trip to Austin (only a two hour drive away). Visiting Austin while I’m so close would be an added bonus, but I’m OK with at least 4 days in San Antonio.

I want to go during the last week in April (2 weeks from now!), preferably April 28th-May 2nd which also happens to fall during my birthday.

I want to have a friend available to go with me. I have a few people I would be interested in traveling with–I will trust the Universe to align the right fit for this trip.

I want approved PAID time off from work for 2-3 of the days I’m gone (and I don’t have any paid vacation time, so..start working your magic).

I want to be able to afford plane tickets, hotel, car rental, and have extra money to go out while I am there without having any financial strain when I return back to real life in San Diego.

Alright, so I stated clearly and specifically what I want. First step, check.
The second step in the creative process is to believe. I think I covered this by not going for the month long, swanky Europe vacay…I can believe San Antonio in a budget hotel for 4 days is doable. Second step, check.

Ok, so somewhere between this second step, believe, and third step, receive, shit usually goes awry. The second step is kind of a shady bitch because it really has a hidden second part. Not only do you have to believe it’s possible in your life to attract it, you have to believe that the universe knows the best way to bring it into your life. Meaning, you have to let go and not think about how it might be possible or how it might happen. You truly just have to just let yourself be guided into the right steps or circumstances.

I am VERY BAD at this. When I’m not watching terrible reality TV shows, I am obsessed with true crime shows. My brain is always trying to piece together all the evidence to arrive at some conclusion on my own about who killed who and why. I love trying to figure things out, I like to know WHY and HOW and LOA isn’t down with that. Every time my brain starts to try to come to a theory of how this trip might happen, I have to tell myself “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always had”. I certainly don’t need to keep riding the struggle bus, that’s for sure.

So..second shady hidden step, half check?… Well, I’m working on it.

In an attempt to un-fuck my chakras without taking a stupid yoga class, I decided to forgo my pride and purchase some crystals. After some online searching of where to buy said crystals, I settled on a small bookstore called Myztic Aisle. Mostly I chose this place because it’s 25 minutes away from where I live, but also because if I’m going to embrace this whole new age experience, what better place than somewhere called ‘Myztic Aisle’. With a Z.

So there I was, lost ,in the myztic store, the strong aroma of incense penetrating the air,when a woman approached me. She seemed to sense my apprehension and total confusion of what the hell I was looking for and offered her help. Begrudgingly I confessed I was looking for crystals. I’m not sure why I was hesitant to confide this in her. I mean, she works there so obviously she doesn’t think it’s crazy. She was nice to enough to show me what I was looking for, and didn’t externally judge me when I blurted out “um…what do I DO with them?”

Apparently, what you do with them ( after rinsing them with cold water for a “cleanse”), is just keep them somewhere near you, like under your pillow while you sleep or in your bra during the day (her exact recommendation). If having a cold rock pressed up against your breasts all day isn’t as comfortable as it sounds, she mentioned that a pocket or even just in your purse would be OK. She also suggested I could “charge them” under moonlight to create more energy. I’m trying to be open-minded but…yeeeeaaaahhhh…

I was just going to buy my crystals and peace out, but I ended up having a really deep and spiritual conversation with her and eventually she brought up Law of Attraction. I was telling her about my trouble being able to feel like I already have what I am asking for in order to attract it, and she suggested something that changed everything for me. I have read hundreds of books on LOA, listened to countless motivational speeches, and watched ALLLLL the videos and I have never heard of her approach.

She said what I should do is, turn things I want in my life into questions.

Sometimes when people use affirmations or positive thoughts to attract things it can feel untrue as a statement. When you’re feeling that what you are saying or thinking is not true then you cannot attract it because you have to be on the same frequency as what you’re trying to attract. Like for me, saying “I have lots of new clients and I am successful at work” when I’m struggling to close leads feels like I’m lying which leads to contradicting words and energy. So instead, I should ask “Why do I have so many new leads and new clients? Why am I making so much money?”

Asking questions creates a different energy that isn’t contradictory and is focusing on the desired outcome. Since talking to her, I use this technique so much I could out-question a three-year-old.

After this encounter and aforementioned buying of crystals, I have had a huge increase of potential clients and booked events at work. I also have been using my intuition and connecting with people better than I have in a long time. To be honest, it was very probably my talk with her and not the crystals that helped, buuuut since it was my quest to obtain crystals that led me to her, I’ll let them have a moment. And I do use them. Not in my bra or anything, but I place them on my dresser and light a candle at night when I’m in my room. I also have one in my wallet like a weirdo if anyone was wondering.

Why does Law Of Attraction always work for me without the implementation of yoga in my life??? 😂

Today I went to a psychic because I felt like after my disastrous state of flow experiment, I needed a little spiritual guidance in my life. I’ve been to psychics before and some are better than others, but 99% of the time I leave a reading, I feel better than before. If you don’t believe in psychics I couldn’t care less. It works for me, and it’s cheaper than therapy. So seriously, don’t leave me any dumb comments about your opinions stating otherwise. La la la la I-can’t-hear-youuuuuuu la la la

Anyways, I was expecting to hear about how I shouldn’t go back to my idiot ex, or that I shouldn’t spend any more money online shopping. And by online shopping, I mean DoorDash. Instead, she told me that my Manipura chakra is pretty much fucked. For those of you who aren’t chakra savvy, this is your 3rd chakra and it controls your ability to manifest things into your life, as well as intuition and self-confidence. Which makes sense. Ever since 2 years ago when I was going through shit and began a slow decent into hell, I stopped trusting my intuition. I’ve always been extremely intuitive but over the last couple years, it just hasn’t been what it was. Also the whole lack attracting stuff I guess is a good indicator as well.

Even though this made sense, I was hesitant because I thought she was going to offer some sort of “chakra cleansing” services or candle magic spell or something equally as sketchy. I skeptically asked her how one would even go about healing a chakra….I mean…right? Her answer? YouTube. If you can learn to repair a car engine or get the step by step on how to deep fry a turkey, you could also learn how to fix your chakras. I guess.

This all sounded great…go on YouTube, figure out what I need to do, do it, then manifest the shit out of life. Thennnn…I discovered the answer to what I need to do, is yoga. And meditation. But….WHHHHHYYYYYYYY. Dear Universe, this is starting to sound like a personal vendetta.

The 3rd and final option is crystals. I believe in a lot of crazy things and ideas. I’m a pretty open person. I’m not sure that crystal healing is one of them. Like, what do you do with them? Do they just sit around you? Or do you rub them on your body? What exactly is crystal etiquette? Do they just intrinsically know how to do whatever it is they’re supposed to do? Or do I have to do something so they know what I want them to do? Also, how crazy am I willing to look? Spencer Pratt, that douchebag from the Hills, is selling something called ‘Pratt Daddy Crystals’, so do I really want to entertain this level of ridiculousness?

Turns out, the answer to the last question is a begrudging yes. Citrine, the crystal suggested for this such chakra is very affordable and my desire to not do yoga is greater than not wanting to appear crazy. So, let the crystal douchebaggery commence. If I don’t succumb to the shame and actually follow though with the buying of said crystal, I’ll let you know how this works out for me. Just pleeeeaaaaseeeee don’t make me have to do yoga, Universe.

Yesterday I had every intention to get in a positive mindset and try the whole state of flow situation I read about (which is basically trying to stay in the moment while keeping a certain positive goal in mind). I am trying to attract more business and close some bigger events, such as weddings. When I got to work in the morning, I mustered up as much positivity that I could and was like, yeah! this is gonna be great! This lasted for a whole two minutes before I got another rejection for an event I was working on and then I gave up because I again was feeling super discouraged. Not even the comfort bagel I bought after finding out this news helped in any way. Maybe if drinking wine at work was acceptable I could have salvaged my mood and gotten more business opportunities and a better story for you guys today.

I wasn’t really feeling any less frustrated today and I was going to just eat another comfort bagel and sulk, but I decided instead that I needed a serious attitude check.

While I was mulling over how to go about this, I started thinking about my dwindling state of positivity over the years. There were some pretty dark times in the last 2 years, and I’ve been steadily working to get to a better place. But you know what? Maybe it’s OK. Maybe I don’t need to be the most happy, positive, smiling person overnight. Or ever, in regards to smiling. Maybe it’s just OK to be a little more positive and hopeful everyday and maybe soon I can tap into this state of flow thing. You hear that, state of flow? I’m trying. Maybe you could work with me here, please.

I’ve said it before: to attract things, you need to be on the same vibrational field as what you are trying to attract. For some people it’s just as simple as listening to the radio in the car, where in one moment you’re pretending to be all gangsta, rapping along with Drizzy . Then maybe you decide you would rather get your inner yeehaw on, and so you just hit the next pre-set button and there you are, bam– Kenny Chesney’s signing about boats and beer and Mexico. Law of Atraction really can be that easy. For me though, maybe I don’t have what I’m looking for already pre-set on the buttons and I have to do the annoying task of scrolling through each station looking for what I want to listen to.

So that’s where I am in life, slowly scrolling through the stations, trying to find the song I’m looking for, but all the goddamn stations are on commercial break so it’s taking me 5 times as long and I’m hoping I eventually find the right one before I lose my shit and rip the stereo out of the fucking car.

Yeah, I thought that was a pretty good analogy too. I’ve now upgraded my comfort bagel to a smug bagel. With extra cream cheese.

And yes, I did think about all this while I am at work and not working. And yes I do also realize that actually working while at work would probably also help with the whole getting more events booked.

Right. In conclusion: I should try to be a little more positive each day, do some fucking work, and I should probably question my emotional attachment to bagels.

The other day I was on Twitter instead of working, and one of the first things I saw in my newsfeed was an article touting trying something called “State of Flow” in the case that you happen to suck at regular meditation. First I thought “what the actual fuck is that“, then my second thought was “hey, I suck at meditation, let me see what’s up”. I’m not even sure how I am so bad at something that literally requires you to do nothing but here we are. So I read it, and in conclusion, it’s action meditation. Which sounds way worse that doing nothing meditation. I guess the idea is to focus on one thing or one goal as you go about your day. This sounds suspiciously like “visualization” or “being in the zone” but for a more prolonged period of time.

I’m pretty sure that these new age writers just change a small aspect of the same concept and call it something even more new-agey then their last concept. It’s like how taco bell will literally just take the sauce from inside the burrito and put it on the outside and call it something completely different. Mmmm Enchiritos….

But OK, maybe I could use a little new age burrito meditation in my life, since the meditation thing only works sporadically for me. Probably because I forget to do it like I should, but I digress. I’m down for trying something new even if I don’t think I could even say it out loud with a straight face. I have a short attention span so trying different Law of Attraction practices helps me to keep using LOA.

Things have been going pretty well in my life if you only take into consideration the job aspect of my life. That being said, after a busy few months at work, I’ve kind of hit a lag. My job is to book events, and at first I was booking appointments and receiving signed contracts like crazy. Lots of opportunities were coming my way and I was on a roll. A couple weeks ago, 5 really great events that would have meant a lot of money all fell though last minute, after the client had given me verbal confirmation they were ready to move forward with a contract. Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed. Since that, I’ve been booking some smaller events but struggling to close the bigger ones.

I need to re-set my mind to get back to the zone, and maybe this state of flow crap can help out with that if I try it during the day at work instead of scrolling through Twitter. But hey, I saw this new idea on there and I think everything happens for a reason so…. that’s how I’m going to justify it.

OK Universe, I’m putting this out there. Tomorrow I’m going to do this thing and close one big event that’s been in the works and attract 5 more solid leads. It’s happening universe. Get on board, and I’m gonna go get some taco bell.

You know how some people have Sugar Daddies? Well, I don’t have that. However, the Universe has gifted me a Splenda….Person? And thus begins the tale of Fletcher.

I’ve known Fletcher for 20 years, since high school (does that make me sound really old?? uggghhh), but we only really started communicating again a few years ago when he was living overseas. It started out as texting when we were bored and it become a real friendship in the last couple years. Nothing romantic, just very good friends. Hence the ‘splenda’ since he isn’t getting the ‘sugar’ from me. I’d like to take credit for this, but actually it was Fletcher that coined the term. Darn it.

Anyways, after my moving expenses, delay in getting a paycheck, and apartment deposits, I was flat broke. Like, I had barely scraped by to get into the apartment I’m living in and I seriously had $20 to last for 2 weeks til I got paid. At that point, buying a cup of noodles would be considered a luxury with my budget. I had already borrowed money from my friend so I was just resigned to make it work somehow.

Let it be known, that throughout the last couple years, Fletcher has always sent me small random I-was-drunk-shopping-on-Amazon gifts. Usually it was something I mentioned I needed or wanted. If beer or Jameson was involved at the time I mentioned it, said item would arrive on my doorstep a few days later. One time a year ago while texting, I had complained that I was out of ramen and how I reeeeaaaallllly wanted ramen (clearly, I was drinking wine at this point in time…a lot of wine) and three days later an entire case of ramen unexpectedly showed up at my apartment.

This time though, after learning of my financial plight, Fletcher set up an account for me on the Target app, that allows me to shop for items that I need like food and toiletries, and even clothes for work. I don’t even think he was drunk at the time. He told me to get what I need and he would pay for it, and I could pick it up at the Target near my house. If that wasn’t enough, he also sent me furniture for my room, since all I had at this point was a mattress( a king size mattress that I got for FREE from some guy my sort-of -ex- best -friend was sleeping with. It’s a long story…but hey, I didn’t spend a dime on it!)

Let me tell you how much of a lifesaver that Flectcher is to me. I had always been grateful for all the small random drunk gifts I received but this was something way above what I ever could have imagined. Honestly, I don’t even know how I would have made it the last few weeks (or maybe even years) without him. I am sooooooooo grateful! Thanks, Fletch! You tha real MVP.

It took my dumbass wayyyyy too long to realize that letting go of anxiety, worry and fear is the only way to manifest truly life changing circumstances into your existence. I mean, I know I read that crap in all the books, but it’s like this: you know when you are dating that guy who is an asshole and all your friends see it and try to tell you, and you just don’t get it until you experience it and really go through it yourself? Then when you finally get it you want to slam your head against the wall for being such a freaking moron?

Yep, I dated the shit out of anxiety and fear and now I’m ready to settle down with a nice guy like Law of Attraction. Hopefully LOA is still cool with me having a Splenda Fletcher.

It’s no secret that my life over the last several years makes Bridget Jones look like she’s totally got her shit together. Whenever something good would happen and I finally felt like things were looking up, life would just shake it’s head pitifully at me. Thus, it was very difficult to gain any sort of momentum when I would attempt to use Law Of Attraction.

Here’s the annoying thing about LOA, you have to first feel like you have what you want before you can get what you want. Which can really suck when you are having a tough time in life.

But OK…I was back living in the city I love, with a really good job that I enjoy so I was resolved to not fuck shit up this time. Of course, I was also broke, living in a hotel that I couldn’t really afford because the place I was moving into was not available yet. Instead of stressing and feeling shitty about it, I just pretended like there weren’t any issues and went on about my business. OK, weeeeellllll…. I did borrow a little money from my friend (Thanks Jenn! I swear I’ll maybe probably pay you back soon…ish) but then I just told myself I couldn’t always be worrying. So, for the first time in a looooooong time, I didn’t.

And the craziest shit happened. I was happily being consciously oblivious to my dire financial situation, but the reality was I had enough money for a hotel one more night and I couldn’t move into my new apartment with weirdo for another week. Oh yeah, I had looked and looked for other apartments that were available immediately but to no avail. So the apartment with weirdo it was. But not for a week.

Out of the blue, the last day I could afford to pay for a hotel, I received a text from my friend Sarah who I hadn’t even told I was back in town. She had heard from a mutual friend that I was back and didn’t have a place to stay for a week and offered up her apartment. Her roommate had just moved out abruptly and her new roommate wasn’t moving in for another two weeks. Oh, and I’d have my own room with a private bathroom. Aaaaand…there was a mattress left behind as well, so I wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor. Damnnnn, Law of Attraction really came through. I would have been happy with sleeping on someone’s couch but I pretty much got a hotel. Except it was free and I got to hang out with my friend Sarah who is pretty awesome.

I mean, it’s not like I won a million dollars and all of my financial problems were over, but it was exactly what I needed to make it through the week, and I was very grateful.

I think that a lot of people have a misconception about LOA, that it’s about becoming a millionaire and getting a new car or whatever. I mean, I sincerely hope that it about that too because God knows my car is a bigger wreck than my life, and who the fuck doesn’t want a million dollars? Just saying that LOA can be used for everyday stuff as well, and maybe for some people, that’s all they need. Not me, but for some people. I need a million dollars. And I’m sure I’ll get it… someday. In the meantime, I am extremely appreciative of what I’ve been able to attract. Keep the good stuff coming, Universe. I’m here for it.

No, I didn’t get murdered in the face. The reason I’ve been slacking on sharing my super exciting life with you is because…I GOT A JOB. In San Diego. And, I can without a doubt say that the set of circumstances that led me to it were because I used LOA. See, cramming does work. I mean, I already know this because once I passed a science class I was failing miserably. In only one week. With a B final grade. My teacher was shocked and said “just imagine what you could have accomplished if you tried the whole time.” In conclusion, I obviously learned nothing from that experience except, hey, cramming works!

Anyways, back to the point. How LOA worked it’s crazy little magic into getting me here to San Diego and landing a job within a week like I had asked.

My entire plan for moving back to San Diego revolved around staying in Las Vegas with my friend Tom until I somehow secured a job in San Diego via driving back and forth for potential interviews. That would have been a good plan if I was getting any interviews. In reality, I was just doing a whole lot of re-watching The Office and drinking wine in my underwear. What? It’s like 100 degrees in Vegas in May, and Tom would rather spend money on alcohol than air conditioning. Which I guess is legit.

It was about 2 days after I re-focused my LOA efforts when I came across an acquaintance of a friend on Facebook who was looking to rent a room in his apartment in San Diego. I was planning on dealing with the whole finding a place to live after I got a job but it’s very difficult to find a room to rent especially in the summer. Plus my past experience with finding roommates on Craigslist have been less than ideal. So, I jumped at the opportunity. Hey, when Law of Attraction gives you something, you have to take Inspired Action, remember??

I’d never met the guy who was renting the room before and he was really pressuring me to come meet with him the next week to see if it was a good fit. He had gotten a lot of interest in his Craigslist ad and was going to just rent it to someone else if I didn’t get my ass back to San Diego, stat.

So I went. And just like absolutely everything else in my life, it went nothing like I planned. First of all, I found out the room to rent wasn’t actually available for almost another month. Second, the guy renting it was a little weird. Not creepy or anything, but I didn’t really vibe with him, so now I wasn’t 100 % sure this was where I wanted to live. Despite all that, the apartment was nice, in a great area, with cheap rent so I was still down if nothing else panned out in the next month.

Now here I was in San Diego….no job, no place to live and not much savings. I was just gonna go back to Vegas for a month until the apartment was available or a job opportunity came up and risk imminent face murder, but that fucking annoying little inner voice was saying to stay for some reason.

Feeling a new sense of determination, I got a hotel and went online to look for jobs. I had promised myself to use LOA and get a job in my career that I really wanted instead of just taking anything to make money like I had done too many times in the past. There weren’t a whole lot of jobs available that fit this criteria, so I applied to the one new job listed, procured a bottle of wine and relaxed in my out-of-budget hotel room while proclaiming “hey, Universe, figure this shit out while I’m getting tipsy watching the Kardashians”.

And…. the Universe listened. I had been in Vegas for month, applying to jobs every day and not one single person had responded. Two days after I got to San Diego, I got an interview.

Immediately, I clicked with the woman interviewing me, and the interview lasted over an hour. She asked me to come meet the owner the next day, and afterwards she offered me the job right then and there. The best part? She wanted me to start work the very next day.

So, that happened…but wait! There’s more!(cheezy infomercial ad voice,obvi)

Next post, though. This is enough writing for today.

So I did the damn thing. Focused on what I wanted in life (to get the fuck out of Seattle), meditated, had Inspired Thoughts and took Inspired Action just like LOA says to do. I did it. And then it all went to shit, as life often does.

And by ‘went to shit’ I mean that I freaked out. For 5 days I was positive and happy and applied for jobs and was all like “yeah! this is gonna work out and be great!” Then seemingly nothing was happening so I panicked. I had packed up my whole life and driven the 18 hours to Las Vegas to stay with my friend Tom while I looked for jobs in San Diego with not much money, so yeah, I was a little distressed once I really had time to think about it.

I got in my head and constantly worried and stressed nonstop for a week about money, if I was going to hear about an interview, and kept imagining the worst. I was sure I’d be forced to go back to Seattle forever and ever where all my hopes and dreams would die a sad and painful death. Yes I am fully understanding how dramatic this all sounds but it was really what was going through my mind. Like, where the hell was my inner bad bitch during all this?? She was probably getting drunk and ignoring my crazy ass. I don’t blame her.

So this is where I was at in life. Unhappy, stressed and in a complete funk. Then last night I had a dream. An ‘I’m asleep’ dream, not a Martin Luther King situation. In the dream, everything I’ve been worried about happened and I woke up in a sheer panic and feeling emotional. I don’t even think I was fully awake when I realized that if I keep feeling the way I’ve been feeling that it WAS going to become a reality.

Law of Attraction is always giving you not just what you ask for, BUT also predominately what you are feeling. Well, fuck. I felt like I was in high school all over again, when you realize you are in danger of failing a class that you really need to pass in order to graduate on time. I’d say college, but I pretty much never passed any of those classes anyway because I was too busy having a social life. Clearly you could argue that this foreshadows where I am currently at in my life. But, I digress.

I decided to do what I did in high school when I was in danger of failing. Cram. That’s right, pulling out all the stops, hail mary-ing this bitch. Does the Universe give extra credit??

I’m talking re-watching ‘The Secret’, re-reading LOA books, keeping myself in a constant state of hopefulness and positivity. This HAS to work. I’m not going back to Seattle. Also did I mention drinking abundant amounts of alcohol? What? It makes me happy. Every bit counts.

Come on Universe, make my goals and dreams happen. I believe in you. Did I mention this HAS to happen? Soon? I did? Cheers!!