Warning. Using LOA *may* Cause Sudden Alter Ego Outbursts

Here I am in Las Vegas, on a quest to find a job in San Diego before my friend Tom, whose couch I am temporarily residing on, gets too sick of me. I annoy him a lot and I’m never sure of when or if I might actually push him over the edge and he for real contemplates murdering me. And I actually go running often, so he has a more than plausible scenario to make it look like I just disappeared while on a run. I don’t know what it is about jogging that makes some people get all murder-y, but it seems to be something that legit happens a lot. Maybe I just watch too many murder shows, but either way….Universe? I need a job.

I am going to assume that because I was inspired to pick up and move my life abruptly that there is some amazing opportunity coming up for me. Usually, I worry too much about everything, but in a concerted effort to use Law Of Attraction in a more sedulous way, I’m trying to not freak out. Usually when I assume things, it’s not good things. Like, if a guy I am dating doesn’t respond to a text in .5 seconds then obviously he’s having sex with someone else. Clearly this is a reasonable response, but in keeping to true to LOA, it’s better to assume more positive outcomes. So, I’m tying.

jump to conclusions

In psychology, they teach us the theory of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy which is essentially that what you believe is the truth becomes the truth though your thoughts and behavior even if it’s not the truth to begin with. It’s entirely possible that Law Of Attraction just ripped off sociologist Robert Merton because I’m pretty sure this is the entire premise of LOA.

Anyways, psychology lesson aside, this whole expecting exciting stuff in my life really needs to happen. A job, more money, and not being murdered in the face… just off the top of my head.

To me, the connotation associated with the word ‘expect’ is that it’s kinda demanding. Since it’s not usually my M.O. to be a demanding person, I’m going to have to channel my inner bad bitch. And to be honest, since I’ve dealt with so many really difficult circumstances in the last couple years it’s the perfect time in my life to start fighting for what I want and demanding that some good shit happens. When I really want something to work out, my default attitude is to hope that it happens, but expect that it won’t. Obviously this is my way of not getting hurt or disappointed if something I want doesn’t work out. That needs to stop now.

inner bad bitch (2)

Listen up, Universe.
I EXPECT you to stop dicking around and start throwing some good job interviews my way.
I EXPECT to procure a job offer from one of the aforementioned ‘good interviews’ that pays well and is fulfilling to me.
And furthermore, I EXPECT this to happen all within the next week.
Yeah. I mean it, Universe.

That whole rant would have been better if I had some fierce alter ego with a badass name like Beyoncé does. Unfortunately, my level of badass probably only qualifies me for something like Ashley. Ashley Fierce? Ok, I’ll stop.

Inspired Thought Has Some Nerve

I actually followed through with something in life and did the damn meditation thing. I’ve been generally unhappy living in Seattle for the last year. Between the incessant rain, grey skies, 40 degree ambient temperatures, and living in a house with the screaming crotch monsters, I cannot say that I’ve been living my best life. So I decided to focus on having my own space again, visualize it and meditate on it. I will admit that I did get a few naps in under the guise of meditation, but then something real actually happened.

something happened

One principal that they teach in LOA practices is to listen to ‘Inspired Thoughts’ and take ‘Inspired Action’. These new age-y phrases really just mean listen to your fucking intuition and then fucking do something about it.

I was working a job in catering for a company that has a couple locations in San Diego. I had been thinking that I would just try and transfer at some point and just save money in the meantime. But, no. Doing something the responsible and patient way are just not so much my style. It has been said in ‘The Secret’ that if you’re thinking “I should do this” …or “I guess I could do that” then you aren’t on the right path. You should ‘just know’ when you’re doing the right thing because it should feel exciting, and right. Hence, ‘Inspired Thought’.

High off my Inspired Thought Meditation Epiphany, I did what any sane and normal person would do. I quit my job, loaded up my car with everything I own, and drove to Las Vegas within a week. Oh, that’s not sane? Thanks for noticing. And yes I am cognizant of the fact that Las Vegas is not San Diego. However, my one of my best friends, Tom, lives here and is nice enough to let me crash for a couple weeks while I get my shit together and get a job in San Diego. This job thing needs to happen fairly quickly for 3 reasons:

1. I drive Tom crazy when I’m here too long
2. I’m not good with not spending what little money I saved
3. Seriously, Tom might actually murder me if I’m here too long

You might be wondering why staying at the job I had in Seattle, saving more money and eventually trying to transfer with a job seemed like not a good idea. Well, it probably was a good idea . However, it was a job wayyy below my experience level that I had taken just to supplement my income while temporarily living in Seattle, and there was no guarantee I could even transfer to San Diego with that job. I wasn’t happy, my purpose of being in Seattle was done, my life had become stagnant.

quitting job

Quitting your job and moving 3000 miles away seems pretty extreme but it was what my intuit–I mean, Inspired Thought told me to do. I took Inspired Action and here I am. In Las Vegas. On Tom’s couch. Listening to “Whatever it Takes” by Imagine Dragons for inspiration as I’m literally doing nothing except applying for jobs on my laptop. But, Tom works long hours so I have peace and fucking quiet for the first time in a year and a half. Not hearing tantrum raged toddlers is beyond glorious.

And I swear to God, if someone reads this blog, quits their job, ending up homeless in financial ruin and tries to blame me….I’d just say you should really listen to that song. It will make you really feel like you’re doing something important even when you’re not. *Hums song cheerfully*
song

A Day in the Life of Zen

Apparently, I picked the worst couple of weeks ever to try and be more zen-like. Right after I declared that I was going to get back into meditating in an attempt to be more calm and positive, a kitchen remodel unexpectedly happened. See, I temporarily live with my brother, his wife, and their 2 small children (which in and of itself is decidedly NOT even close to zen) in their basement. The plan has always been to move back to San Diego in the near future so staying with them is what I’m doing with my life for now. Anyways, unbeknownst to me, my brother hired maybe the worst guy in the history of all kitchen remodel guys to do a MAJOR kitchen remodel. Like knocking down walls, replacing floors and shit remodel. He was a 60 year old hippie who I’m pretty sure just mostly smoked pot instead of doing any real work. Oh and he also brought his dog over everyday and spent more time paying attention to him instead of installing new cabinets. Imagine 3 weeks of a lot of noise, dust, and a weird hippie dude and his dog hanging around. Combine that with 2 screaming small children and it was maybe the most un-zen weeks of my life.

stress level

Now that the remodel is over, thank God, it’s time for me to refocus and actually do this whole mediation/chilling out on being so annoyed with life thing. Honestly, if the kitchen remodel hadn’t happened, I would have just found another excuse to procrastinate for weeks. I feel like the Universe just karma’d my ass. Like “Oh, you’re going to not do what you said, plus continue to have general disdain for life in general? Well, OK. You want chaos? I’ll show you chaos. Suck it, bitch!” Yeah, in my mind the Universe gets ghetto on you sometimes.

Delving deeper into this whole mediation idea and how it correlates with Law of Attraction, I realize that the meditation is only partly useful. First, it’s better to visualize what you are trying to attract, focus on that and then try to meditate for the answer or clarity about how to go about getting it. Or at least a first step in obtaining whatever it is you are asking for. Since I have a hard time focusing, visualizing something first helps me to be better at this whole process. Also, I decided that I should turn off my phone and put it in another room during this process to avoid my compulsion to check Twitter one million times a day. I mean, it’s extremely important for me to know immediately when Khloe decides to either forgive, or leave Tristan’s sorry ass for cheating on her. Also, Kanye is having a moment on Twitter right now and I’m here for that. However, I suppose that my success in life and overall happiness is slightly more important. *Sigh*

very busy

Obviously meditation can be calming on its own, but, because I’m trying to use LOA, it’s better for me if I picked something to focus my energy on, visualize it then meditate on it. What will most likely happen is that I’ll fall asleep but I’ll give it a valiant, concerted effort.

Due to the aforementioned co-habitation with 2 small children under the age of 4, I have decided that what I need most in my life is to have my own apartment. My own space. Where I don’t have to hear “The Wheels on the Bus” 100 times in a row. Or watch Vampirina. There are many things wrong with this childrens show but my main concern is they are Vampires who named their child Vamprina. Isn’t that like naming a human girl Humanina? Seriously, Vampirina disturbs me more than cartoon tigers that wear sweaters and shoes and even a wristwatch , but don’t wear pants. You get the point. I need out.

daniel tiger

I love my niece and nephew more than anything but when I find myself analyzing children’s shows and humming songs from Daniel Tiger all day, it’s definitely time. I probably would have come to this conclusion sooner, but I was on Twitter.

Rollin with the ‘Ommies’

So, okay. I promised myself that I would start being at least 51 percent happy as the first step in my quest to better my life via Law of Attraction. Since the two days I have attempted this whole’ being enthralled with life stuff ‘ have fallen on a weekend, it has been fairly easy to remain upbeat and hopeful about the future. However, tomorrow I have to venture out into the real world where day drinking and not wearing pants is frowned upon. Factor in going to work (at 5 am, ugh) and interacting with human beings, and this does not bode well for me remaining cheerful about life.

Somehow I need to find a solution for this problem that doesn’t involve wine. Hmmm, thinking about not drinking wine is already making me unhappy. Clearly I need to harness my chi or whatever and garner a whole lot more zen into my life.

I am aware that meditation is supposed to be a great way to be at peace with yourself, the world, and all the unforgivingly stupid people that live in it, but as with many things in this life, I am very bad at it.
come on zen

At first glance, mediation seems like something I should excel at, because it requires zero physical effort, it involves being comfortable, and in a higher state of relaxation . Right? It sounds a lot like sleep and/or laziness, which I love. But then, there’s the whole focusing your mind part and that’s where shit goes awry for me. Like, right now as I’m writing this, I am also snap-chatting, drinking wine, eating popcorn, watching Football playoffs, and intermittently checking Twitter to check if there’s any update on a possible Kylie Jenner pregnancy. Spoiler: there’s not. Just confirm it already, Kylie. I need answers.

When I lived in San Diego, I had a friend who I would meditate with. We would go at midnight to the cliffs at Ocean Beach, and sit there under the moon with just a blanket and a candle. For the same reason I pay to go to the gym instead of running for free outside, I need something or someone to keep me focused. A meditating ‘ommie’ if you will (get it? like homie, but om?? Come on, it’s funny). And if you suggest a yoga class I will stab you in the face.

Unfortunately, my few Seattle friends aren’t so much into balancing their chakras and whatnot. My best friend Jenn would absolutely push me off a cliff before she would meditate with me on one.

This means that if I want to pursue this option of a higher spiritual attainment I’m gonna have to go it alone for now. *Sigh* Alright….. Candles? Check. Buddha statue? Check. Wine? Check. Burrito? Check. Meditation, I am here for you.

zen

What? Burritos are zen as fuck. Let’s do this.

 

 

 

New Year, 51% New Me!

So, it’s a new year, and therefore time for all the obligatory resolutions that come with it.  For me, it’s just an annoying few weeks at the gym (which I go to, all year round, and have for years) while all the ‘Resolutionists’ take over all the machines, equipment, and classes until most of them invariably decide that the gym sucks and they’re not really about that workout life.  I’m not at all judging. As a matter of fact, working out at the gym is definitely the only productive thing I do with my life.  I seriously almost bought a book titled ‘How to Become a Better Person Without Improving Yourself”.   My only New Years Resolution is to drink more wine.  Trust me, Resolutionists, I get it.  Just quit giving me murderous rage because I can’t find a parking spot, okay??

faking it

 

I know that I’m no better when it comes to using Law of Attraction. I’m lazy. I get caught up in the negative things that happen in my life.  I get in my head and don’t know how to get out of it sometimes.  I  have to remind myself that LOA is always ‘working’ whether I decide to get my head out of my ass and use it to my advantage or not.

Honestly, 2017 was one of the worst and hardest years of my life and I seriously hope that if I stick to my one resolution and drink alllllll the wine, I can forget it ever happened. And,  after spending the last 6 almost-just-as-rough years proclaiming on January 1st that “this is going to be my year!” , I really need that to be true this time. I realize that means I need to make some life changes in an attempt to be more positive and productive so that LOA can work its magic on my tragic life.

That being said,  my indolent nature is already trying to calculate how to achieve this goal with the least amount of  actual change. After some Grinch-like evil drumming of my fingers  while contemplating this task, I remembered something I read awhile ago.

grinch drumming fingersgrinch evil plan

 

That something was about “Tipping Point”, and long story short, it means in order to tip the positive scales of life in your favor you only have to be more positive than you are negative. Mathematically ( and convenient for my inert  personality), this means that I only need to be 51% happy and not at all annoyed by life and the other 49% of the time I can embrace my general disdain for pretty much everything. Obviously this is going to still take some effort on my end,  because if I had to estimate my ‘disdain for general life’ it would be somewhere around 90 % .

Math is really not my forte, so if I drunkenly used the calculator correctly (shut uuuup), this means I need to improve my attitude about 41%.  Well, thank GOD for wine because the struggle is real without it.

So you hear that, Resolutionists? I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to be 41 % more positive, use LOA to start turning life around and see what this ‘New Year, New Me’ crap is all about. Now, get the fuck off my elliptical machines.

 

Attract Stuff Using LOA, Even if you Mostly Suck at Life

So, it’s been awhile since I last blogged. 8 months to be exact, according to WordPress. I actually thought it had been longer, so yay! Go me.

At that time in my life, I was trying to attract new brake pads for my car. After re-reading all my posts, what I really should have been trying to attract was a fucking new car. Anyways, apparently that thought hadn’t occurred to me, so brake pads it was.  I am aware that attracting random car parts is not the most exciting way to use LOA (this seems to be a recurring theme thus far), but stay with me.

I was following my usual M.O. of ignoring all my life problems in general when I decided to move back to Seattle (where I grew up) from San Diego to ignore my life problems in a different state.

this is fine

 

Life had been pretty tough the last couple years, and I thought maybe it would be less tough to be around my close friends of 20 years instead of a city full of acquaintances. Once I made the decision to move, all I had to do was pack up and make the insanely boring and long drive back.

In all the crap that I was dealing with at the time, I had really not been thinking about the brake pads, or the fact that a 21 hour drive with their nonexistence wasn’t really a smart life decision. I don’t really excel at smart life decisions, so there you go. It was only when I was talking to my family about my impending move the next day, when I remembered, and offhandedly mentioned the state of my car. I went on to add that I was sure it would be fine and I would make it back OK.  I had zero extra money and no intention of getting it fixed before then. It had been fine for months, what was another few days??

Of course, my dad freaked out and insisted that I go get them checked, and if the repairs were  within a certain price range, that he would pay for it.  Well, when I begrudgingly went to get it checked out (because, come on, I had enough going on with all the standard moving crap and I could deal with this when I got back to Seattle), the price I was quoted was 4 times the amount my dad was willing to help with. I guess it’s because there was something also wrong with the rotor and not just the brake pads. Whatever, it all just sounded like a foreign language to me anyways.

When I told the guy at the shop that I would have to pass on getting the work done, he looked at me horrified and said that he didn’t even really want me to drive the car home.  Upon finding out I planned to drive it 12,000 miles I thought he might actually lose his shit.  He threatened to withhold my car, so I had to plead my case, telling him I was moving the next day and that I only had one fourth of the money to do the work.

And guess what? He said he would do it for the price I named, and fit me in for their first appointment at 7am so that I could get on the road by 9.  I got everything I asked for, including for the amount I had previously stated in my original request to the Universe.

I had fallen off the LOA wagon and let the crap life had dealt me over the past few months get me down.  The belief in LOA was still there, I just hadn’t been actively using it. LOA apparently believed in me too though, because it was still working on my request. A request that I had pushed aside and forgotten about. Now, I’m sure that if I had followed the “rules” of LOA more diligently, I would have attracted it faster.  But that’s not the point.

I still attracted it. Which proves that your life can be a hot mess, but as long as you make a clear and specific statement and believe, you don’t necessarily need to be impossibly happy. Or even happy at all. All the LOA books say, ask, believe, receive as the rules but then they somehow make you think that you need to go around all day singing show tunes and declaring how much you love every single object you come into contact with.  No thanks. That’s not me, and will never be.

 

works-out-in-the-end.png

 

So this is proof, for all you people out there that are like me, who might have read ‘The Secret’ or other Law of Attraction books, and tried really hard to be extra happy for a day (or if you are really like me, an hour) and then gave up because maintaining that level of happy optimism is fucking impossible.

Now, I should say that you cannot be negative towards what you are trying to attract, or think negatively about it because it will always be unobtainable that way. I’m just saying, you can have a crap day (or 8 months), or feel sad, or be sarcastic and annoyed with life and still use Law of Attraction. You don’t need to be on crack happy all day every day like all the books say.

LOA will come through.  Even if it’s something as stupid as brake pads.

 

 

 

 

 

When You Wish Upon a Star….Be Specifically Specific

I’m sure that at least once in your life, some annoying person has said to you “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it”.  I dislike this idiom because it somehow sounds ominous. However, using  Law of Attraction is like talking to Sheldon from the TV show Big Bang Theory.  It takes what you say and ask for literally.

half-a-sandwich

 

I got reminded of this a couple weeks ago after I wrote my last post. I offhandedly wrote that I ‘needed to find $200’. What I meant , Universe, was that I need $200 extra dollars of unexpected income (cash money!) to be able to pay for new brake pads for my car. But, a few days after I wrote that, I  got surprised with a package in the mail from a friend of mine and inside was a $100 gift card to Target and a $100 gift card to Forever 21 (don’t judge. ok, judge a little, but whatever). It’s not anywhere close to my birthday, or gift giving holiday. It was a ‘just because I can’ random gift.

Of course I’m grateful for my gift cards! I got new shoes! And I technically got my $200 I asked for.  I  still laughed because I remembered that dumb Geico commercial where the guy asks the genie for a million bucks and suddenly there’s deer everywhere. There’s probably people out there wondering where the hell the stuff they were trying to attract is, maybe not even realizing they already got whatever it is that they didn’t really mean to ask for. Also, maybe I watch too much TV because somehow all my references pertain to shows and/or commercials.

million-bucksdr-evil

OK, so duly noted, be specific when asking for shit. At the same time, LOA also dictates that you shouldn’t be specific at all about how you will receive it. Confused yet? Tell me about it. Try LOAing and drinking wine at the same time, ha.

understood-my-wish

Basically, if you try to be specific about how you receive the stuff you ask for (specifically), you risk blocking the universe from delivering it, or delaying when you’ll get it. Don’t cock block yourself from the Universe. It wants to put out.

Ugh, now I have that really awful Pussycat Dolls song stuck in my head. The one where they keep singing ‘be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it’. Am I the only one who remembers all the words from a song  that came out years ago that I hate, but remember nothing from any math class I ever took? Either way, someone make it stoooop.

 

 

Solving Problems, One Bottle of Wine at a Time….

 

Focusing on an affordable solution to getting my car fixed was going great. I wrote down my specific wishes to the Universe and even randomly found a $100 off coupon for brake pads online. And then, I did absolutely nothing about it. Instead, I decided that it was a better idea to go visit my friend in Las Vegas.  Well, it’s not like you need to use the brakes on the freeway that much anyway. Plus, they don’t make that awful grinding noise every single time I use them, so it can’t be that bad yet. I regret nothing.

regret nothing.gif

However, this means that I still need to attract getting my car fixed for cheap. Very cheap. Because I  may or may not have spent all my extra money in Vegas. And since I’m doing this whole ‘focusing’ thing where I work on attracting one thing at a time, I need this to happen ASAP, so I can move on to attracting fun things. Like more trips to Vegas.

Looking for inspiration, I dusted off some of my Law of Attraction books. After reading a bit, I came across a chapter called “Feeling is Creation” wherein it talks about how your feelings are basically deciding whether  you are attracting positive or negative things in your life.  First of all, I’m surprised that I ever even got past the cheesiness of LOA to believe in it at all.  And second, this is not good news for me because I generally have three feelings ever.  1. Drunk 2. Annoyed and 3. Murderous Rage.

i-dont-feel-it

Since annoyance and wanting to murder people in the face don’t seem on the positive end of the emotions spectrum, that leaves me with drunk. I can work with that. I mean, drunk is happy. I love lots of things when I am drunk. This could work.

The LOA books say that when you give love for something, no matter the circumstances, the circumstances must change. OK, so I just need to figure out how many glasses of wine equals feeling happy about getting my brakes fixed.  I’m guessing several.

This is my plan:

  1. Drink copious amounts of wine
  2. Go outside to my car and talk to my brakes in the same drunk fashion I would talk to another random drunk girl I met in a bar bathroom and tell them how much I love them right now
  3. If they don’t magically fix themselves because they feel so loved, find a mechanic who will fix them for less than $200
  4. Also, find $200

Great plan. I feel good about this working. Cheers!

kristen-wiig-wine-gif.gif

 

 

 

Epiphanies through Posts-It Notes

I was drunk snapchatting with a friend last night, ( and by that I mean I was whining about not knowing what to write about for my blog) and he suggested that I write about prioritizing things I would like to attract. And then I thought about Post-It Notes. More specifically, a Post-It Notes commercial. It’s a logical thought progression when wine is involved.

what did i say again

Anyways, the Post-It commercial, as stated above, had claimed that you’re 40% more likely to accomplish something when you write it down. 1. Yes, I am going to blindly believe that what a TV commercial is telling me is true because it sounds good, and I am far too lazy to look that shit up. 2. Yes, I am actually using a Post-It Notes commercial to motivate me…and 3. This whole writing stuff down scenario is good news for me, because I am, in fact, a writer.

So I made a list of some things I want to attract, ranging from spaghetti to all expenses paid trips around the world. Now, back to my friend’s suggestion that I prioritize all these things. I started thinking that maybe some of my trouble attracting things in the past has been because I start getting excited about all the cool stuff I want and I lose focus.

According to LOA, being specific is key. Keeping this in mind, I decided  that from now on, I will work on attracting one thing at a time, writing down in detail the specifics of what I want and really focus on it until it comes into fruition, then move on to the next thing.

What I really wanted to attract first was a cool trip somewhere but apparently the universe decided that I need new brake pads (I think) for my car.
ME: I want to go to a cool new city that I’ve never been to!
UNIVERSE: HAHAHAHAHA. Maybe. But first, here’s a new car problem.

I say I *think* I need new brake pads because every once in awhile, when I use the brakes, they make this grinding noise. Looking up car issues online is worse than going to Web MD when you’re sick. My car probably has cancer for all I know. Ugh.

free brake check

So, here is my plea:

Dear Universe, thank you for the solution to my car issues being simple and affordable, and not something that I need to go to the DMV for. Also, please never let me have to go to the DMV ever again, ever. Thank you.

Hey, when my blog is famous, do you think Post-It Notes will send me free Post-Its?? They should.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe Ostriches Have the Right Idea

I’m not a millionaire yet (although I did win $5 on a scratch ticket) but, something has happened that I can only thank Law of Attraction for.  Even though it might not seem like a huge thing to many, it was actually a pretty big thing for me.

Are you just dying of curiosity yet?  OK, so, backstory. A year ago, almost to the day, the registration on my car expired. Begrudgingly, I went to the DMV and proceeded to spend approximately one million agonizing hours in line only to find out that after all the time I spent there trying not to die of boredom was for nothing. Even though they would let me pay the registration fees (of course–also it should be noted that I am rolling my eyes as I write this), they wouldn’t give me the California plates (I had moved a year previous to that from Las Vegas) because I hadn’t gone to get the car smog checked.

Alright. Whatever, now I have to go get in line at the stupid smog check place and go get in line again at the stupid DMV.  Oh, but wait. My check engine light had just come on a couple weeks prior and it’s an automatic fail on the smog check if your check engine light is on.  Or, so I learned.

I should mention that on any given, fairly normal, uneventful day, my patience level is about a 2, with 0 being absolutely no patience in life whatsoever. So it was all I could do to contain my growing murderous rage.

After taking my car to the service station to get looked at, it was determined that the problem was blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.. I dunno, all I heard was that it was going to cost around five hundred dollars to fix whatever the fuck it was.  My financial status is very much like my patience level. Around the zero level.

So, I did what any responsible person would do. Just kidding, I  decided to completely ignore the situation, which is my typical way of dealing with most things I don’t want to deal with.  The bury-my-head-in-the-sand thing  was working superbly  until a couple months ago I got pulled over for not having current registration.  Whoomp, whoomp.

everythings fine

I guess you see where this is heading. This left me no choice but to get current registration to show to the court in the allotted two months, or face even more serious fines, license suspension, etc.etc.  Seriously though, if I hadn’t gotten pulled over it might have taken me years to deal with this issue…

Well, I still didn’t magically have the money to fix the check engine light situation, so after a week of stressing out and imagining the worst, I went back to flat out pretending my dilemma didn’t exist. Even when it was about a week before the last day I could go to court to prove I had current registration  I called and got another month extension.  I absolutely excel at procrastination and denial.

99 problems

 

Then I remembered Law of Attraction. It pains me to say this, but I have a ‘gratitude notebook’ in which, when I remember to, (which is pretty much never) I write down lists of all the things I am grateful for in life. So I started doing that more than just sporadically.

Also, I made up a fake assistant a couple years ago, so that when I’m asking for something from the Universe I pretend that I am very busy and important and am having my assistant do it for me. Her name is Mila, which is short for Milagros, the Spanish word for Miracles.  I don’t know a lot of Spanish, so that could also mean go fuck yourself, but I’m going to ignore any comments and messages that suggest it means anything other than what I want it to. Anyways, I started writing to-do lists for Mila and thanking her for going to the DMV and getting my registration debacle sorted out.

Every time I started to get worried or anxious about getting everything fixed by the looming deadline, I stopped myself. I put my head-in-the-sand approach to a good use this time and told myself it would work out.

And it did.  I’m not even joking when I tell you that 2 weeks after I started doing this, my check engine light went off on it’s own.  For a year it had been on constantly. Of course I was skeptical, and 3 days later it came back on. So I started believing that it was a sign that things were going to work out, and sure enough, a week later it went off on it’s own again. Keep in mind that this is just days before I needed to go to court. Immediately, I took it to get smogged and it passed.  Not only did it pass, but because it had failed the last time, they retested it for free, which saved me another almost fifty dollars that I was expecting to pay.

This might seem like something small to you but in my life, it saved me around $550 dollars and any repercussions of not getting it fixed in time, which would probably  have meant a lot more money and a deeper hole to hide my head in. Add in the not having this debacle hanging over my head, and it’s a huge thing in my life.

Yeah I know the Gratitude Notebook and Miracle Assistant are cheesy as fuck, but it worked for me so I’ll own it.

I feel like that was a really long story about a freaking smog check so I’ll wrap it up. Law of Attraction works.  Now Mila, I need you to get the headlight fixed and the oil changed. Thanks.